In my last Blog, I wrote, "Searching for a moment of completion is an illusion; to be done is not what we want, but that's another blog for another day." Today is the day. Today I found myself frustrated with my inability to separate. The words separate-out come to mind because I just wanted to be done with watching a loved one struggle. These words are interesting because I often teach about connection and feeling interconnected with everything. At the end of our yoga practice, I guide people through relaxing and connecting all the different body parts and systems to find themselves whole again, and here today, I am struggling to separate.
Sometimes call for us to have the ability to take "the step back," as Babaji reminds us to do. If you know me, I like to choose strong words like separate-out to get my point across. What I mean is I found myself struggling because I was trying to control my environment; in a sense, I was negotiating with life. I needed to gain the ability to know where I begin and where my concerns end. If I allow the space between us, it becomes more apparent. Instead of waiting for the right conditions to return to mySelf, I can practice giving myself a breath and taking a step back.
Today my circumstances felt like they had a tight hold over me, and thankfully my authentic self took notice. I COULD LISTEN because I have a practice and a relationship within mySelf. I capitalize Self because I am talking about our True Nature which is joyous and at ease with life continuously. My authentic self helped me to see that the very thing I was trying to help my struggling loved one to do was the same thing I needed reminding of, which was to allow the feelings to be as they were; unabated. When I recognized that I was trying to control and wiggle my way here and there with distractions attempting to feel better, I knew it was time to get on the floor, close to the earth, and enter the practice of yoga nidra.
I am always so grateful for the process. Life, indeed, does have our back when we allow it. I didn't have a planned Sankalpa (intention); I just began the practice of relaxation. I wasn't anticipating; I was relaxing, believing that to be a key to healing. In the quiet stillness, something shifted. There was clarity, and my Sankalpa surfaced; feeling the feeling, I allowed it to be free to have a voice. I was willing to see what was ready to be seen, and there she was, remnants of a familiar friend. Some may call it Love, and others might call it co-dependency. Today I recognized it as tightness around my peace which I know is never worth losing, not for any reason. But knowing and truly knowing are distinctly different phases.
It's amazing to be back here in this old familiar river (co-dependency or Love, call it what you may) with many new eddies and this new season of flowering buds. Ease and relaxation prepare us to know what is ready to be known for the next phase of the journey. Easy for me to say now that I have reclaimed my freedom. And that's why I share because we are not separate. We may need to separate-out now and again to reclaim our peace, but when one of us finds freedom and ease, it's there; space and True Nature are there in the field of awareness in which we all share space.
Please take a moment to feel some space around your heart, notice it in your next breath and let's keep freedom going, one person at a time; Freedom for all. Reclaim your peace right now, even just for a breath.No worries if you lose it again; we are not done, nor do we want to be. That's the illusion. When we feel done, we have lost our freedom and our footing, that's all. This idea of being "done" is alert that you have arrived at the time and place to finally let go of trying to negotiate with life or strive for something else and move into deep acceptance. Acceptance doesn't mean you won't have aspiration or motivation, but it will help you cut yourself a break and stop going down the spiral of bad feelings, and it will help you to reconnect with your wholeness. There is a field out beyond the Body/Mind; I'll meet you there.